Why your husband doesn't fully understand
In a nutshell, he's not suppose to…
Now I know that's a very blanket statement for something very complex, but stick with me.
Men are wired differently, to say the least. They don't see the point in dwelling on issues of the past, and usually think we are being silly for not just moving on and enjoying all of our blessings now.
My husband has very little patience when it comes to talking about the whys and the hows of my past, and how it all affected me. He is quick to point out that I've been made new, and I have freedom and wholeness in Jesus. So let's move on. Amen.
And you know what? He's right to a very real extent. And even though it can be difficult for me in moments when I am looking for understanding and sympathy- I am so grateful that God gave me someone so DIFFERENT from me, to help balance me out. Someone to see the other side of things and keep from heading down a side trail, instead of staying on the main road.
God often gives us a partner who is SO opposite us in so many ways- and that can be the greatest blessing in the world, IF we are humble enough to allow it.
Your husband doesn't totally sympathize with you for probably two reasons:
1. Men's emotions are much more "compartmentalized". They have experiences and hurts from their own past, but they are able to keep them in their own little compartment, tucked away where they don't affect the rest of their lives.
Women, I've heard it said, are more like a string of Christmas lights: If one light is out, the whole string is out! I don't know about you but, that sure sounds like me.
2. The second reason your husband doesn't totally sympathize with you is because he is trying to lead you toward what he feels is right and best. He doesn't want to get into sticky territory where he is not comfortable, and he certainly doesn't want to encourage you to live there. Getting all feely and emotional is not a man's strong suite, and it can feel uncomfortable to him. He wants to grab your hand and get you to solid ground where he knows he can lead well. His job is to lead you away from the messy stuff, and into the "safe zone."
That is why this place exists.
Not to stand in an authority position in your life, or because we think we know better than your husband. No way!!
We are here so that you can know that you are not alone, and so you can receive the unique kind of encouragement you need in your marriage.
But mostly, we exist to keep pointing you back to the ONE place that your heart will find the rest, understanding and healing it is searching for. To keep reminding you to go there. And thus, freeing up your marriage to be all it was created to be.
Why the broken way is the best way
God's word has this to say:
"Anyone who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on whom it falls will be crushed." Matthew 21:44
You have two choices and neither one is easy.
If you are still reading this then I believe that in some moment in your life, you had an honest moment with God. Even if you were standing very distant from him at the time, I believe that in some moment of desperation, or some moment where your heart felt the brokenness and futility of life- you got honest for a moment.
I don't know what it all looks like for you in that sacred space between you and God. But here is what that scripture is telling us...
There are people who keep walking forward in their own strength. They are able to pull together enough resources, enough material to keep them distracted and optimistic, they have enough in the world to keep themselves going. They will not be brought low, they will not be broken. BUT eventually, when it is all said and done; when pretense is stripped bare and the soul is exposed for what it is- what will be there? BEWARE. People who are doing well don't realize they need help. While walking "successfully" along, they don't realize the pride that is often snowballing, and the hardness of the heart growing harder, setting them up for ultimate doom and failure.
God didn't come for those "who are well" (or think they are well). He came for us who are sick and in need of healing.
And the first part of this beautiful scripture speaks of falling on the stone and being broken to pieces. Sounds scary. It is scary to think of all of the hurt and hardness and pride that is built up inside of us. It is hard to imagine ourselves being splattered open to pieces, being vulnerable and not knowing where it will all lead or what the future holds.
But can I let you in on a little secret- a little piece of my own testimony?
I have done it. I have been so bruised and broken that I've fallen on my knees before God. And do you know what he did?
The areas where I have been the most broken in my life, the areas where I have been SO overcome with grief and devastation that I finally hit my knees and laid it all out bare at God's feet- Those are the very areas God has COMPLETELY changed and restored. They are now the pieces of me that are the STRONGEST because I actually let God have his way. He has turned my ashes into beauty and my mourning into dancing! WHHHAT?
Can you do me a favor? Can you take 30 or so minutes this week to listen to a video testimony I want to send you?
I heard this testimony lately and fell in love with how beautifully it paints the picture of what God offers us in our brokenness!
Just save the video for the next time you have a free half hour or a long drive. And as you listen to this woman's words let her message of hope wash over your dry soul in regards to your love life. Please.
I truly believe this video will begin to shift the way you think about your struggle.
When you enter your email below you'll receive the video right to your inbox. I will also add you to my email list, (don't worry! I only email quarterly) to keep you on this beautiful journey and to encourage you to walk a different and beautiful path in your love life.♥