A note about your unique situation

In all of my material I try to veer toward pointing out the good in your husband. That doesn't mean I don't realize there is a bad side, but usually we are not in short supply of recognizing the bad in our spouse (or people who can point it out to us).

I tend to write from the standpoint that your husband is like mine: A man with many faults and shortcomings, but a man whom I deeply love and want to make life work with (not build a case against). 

It is nowhere my place or desire to speak over your husband's voice. I have a deep respect for God's chain of authority. My desire is to be an encouraging sister in Christ.

The question of abuse

If you are in a relationship that is abusive, physically or otherwise, I advise you to personally go immediately to someone you know and trust. Abuse should never be kept a secret. Nothing will ever be healed or changed in secret, but will only get worse.

If you aren't sure if the relationship you're in is abusive or not, I would highly advise you to call an older, christian woman you trust, asap. Don't put this off! In order for there to be healing, you need to bring light into the dark, hidden places.