I know that a lot of us don't even want to read anything these days that rubs against what we already believe. We've lost the emotional energy. So I want to be straightforward about this: I am a moderate, thirty-something woman. Politically, I don't really open my mouth lately because I don't want to get my head bitten off. We are in a climate of extreme polarization, and I like to like things about people and political parties, and dislike other things. I bet a lot of you are the same. And it is a no-man's land
I wanted to have something to write about. Something revolutionary for women. I wanted to stand on a stage and be cute and fun, and have every woman in the audience want to be like me- and then I would blow their minds and lead them to Jesus.
I was heading on about 5 years of seriously struggling with various aspects of my life- fear, happiness, emotional stability.
It happened today. One of those Sundays where you are going about your business, your day, your Sunday routine- sitting in the church pew listening and nodding- not expecting anything for me. Then it started to hit me. The tears welled up hot in my eyes and somehow I knew what was coming next, Was. For. Me. Not only me- but like listen up, girl, I am about to speak to you right from my word. I was laser-focused in as my pastor read the words of Psalm 73, and they washed over me and made sense of my feelings, and my mess.
As humans, we don't have the capacity or the mental ability to order and make sense of all of our feelings and latest struggles. And as moms, sometimes our brains just feel like mush at the end of the day. But lately I've had a very specific struggle with Instagram
I was just feeling so angry over social media... again. I went on for just a few minutes, the first time in a while. Flitted around. Left feeling more hollow, more angry, more wanting to say MY piece than before. More confused and scattered and these emotions- this devastation for the plight of things, the division. Everyone sticking their finger in the air and shouting their opinion. The leadership- the people that many people are following, flaunting their own feelings and opinions about Christianity, and the President, and the latest disaster, and I can't stomach all of this narcissism. I feel angry and sick all in one stroke. I feel a part of it, wanting to get in the middle and push