Today I'm stressed and heavy-hearted, and this morning I drive home with teary eyes and feel like I will give out if anything or anyone requires any more of me. I'm weary and worn and I have been, WE have been pinched tight and stretched thin in all ways possible. And spiritually sometimes it feels like just enough. Just enough release. Just enough of the word. Just enough Holy Spirit to get me through the rest of these chores and the rest of this day. But I don't think this is how I was created to live and this is too much weight. And I want peace that flows like a river, and joy that bubbles over, and calmness and happy-mommyness, but this morning I am failing. And I tell my husband through teary eyes that I. Am. Failing. I'm failing at waking up early and doing the things I want to do, I'm failing at eating how I want to be eating and exercising. I want to be a better mommy. I want to be more attentive to everyone around me, and loving and sweet and
Ambitious. Goal-setter. Go-getter. These are all words with a very positive connotation in our culture. Our achieving, writing, dreaming, making, entrepreneurial culture. We have our sights set on it; that goal, that dream, that version of ourself that we want to get to. We'll find the right graphics, make the perfect business card and website, make the right connections.
I look online for a Christian life-coach and I find some. Ones who will listen to my plans and dreams and help me to get there. To what I want- not what God wants.
What does God want from me? We get scared away from this because of what we don't want to give up. Push and pace and cell phones and starvation. And women who were meant to be full, child-bearing, well-nourished beauties- push and starve themselves hollow of anything rich and good and true, to chase an elusive skinny, successful shadow. A picture on their new website, and how many likes? We can surround ourselves with meaningless noise and make it feel so right.
What are you chasing? What are you running
A few weeks ago my friend Crystal and I sat at a little downtown café to sip coffee and grab a delicious farm-to-table lunch. We sat for almost 3 hours. We laughed a lot, cried a little, and caught up on each other’s lives. I had my husband’s blessing to spend the money, take my time and enjoy myself- and I did!
I want to be better than this post. (I want to be better than a lot of my posts:) But here we are, working our way through our adult lives, hopefully strengthening our bond to the one true rock that keeps us steady.
Here's what I experienced during my brief stint on Instagram.
This is what it feels like to have poor self-discipline:
You're laying in bed angry, frustrated and wishing you had gotten up earlier. The baby is crying in his room, and you had been doing SO well for 2 weeks straight- getting up to have your quiet time, exercising and sticking to that eating plan. What happened?
It feels like you can't stick to anything longterm.
Why can my husband make a decision, and flip a switch
I want to be the happy, excited, well-balanced Mom who is cute and composed. Gray hairs freshly covered, manicured hands, glowing make-up, cute outfit, clean car, on time- all of it. I want to be crushing Mom life.
This morning I ate pistachio ice cream for breakfast. A new low of sorts. For 9 months I ate healthy and clean with an occasional splurge. I dropped baby weight like it was my job. My skin looked clear and my eyes bright. Then _________ threw me off. We can each fill in that blank differently- and I know just what it was for me.
I don't want to write this post. I don't want to be in a failing place. Being successful, and looking like it has
Respect is everything to a man.
I had no idea until I picked up Emmerson Eggeriches book Love and Respect. This book taught me that the same way that MY primary need in a relationship is love, my husband's primary need is respect. This was so eye opening for me, and I can honestly say that this concept saved my marriage before it started.
This is a very difficult place to be.
Have you ever seen the kid's movie Madagascar?
If so, you'll remember that from the time the four main characters (Marty, Melvin, Gloria & Alex) get onto the island, they don't eat anything. Nothing. Not until the very end of the movie when the shifty penguins introduce them to sushi, do they finally fill their hunger.
There is a season in life to say "no". When you are in the thick of motherhood with little ones who need your full time and attention, and a house and a husband, and quite possibly a job on top of it all, dear good grief you do not have to go to your second cousin’s gender reveal party. Or your Uncle’s surprise 70th, or your in-law’s barbecue to meet their college roommates. Nothing if you don’t want to. I give you full permission, sweet lady.
A few months back when I was looking up ways to politely decline invitations to things without lying, I came across some helpful hints. But mostly I already knew. I just had to
This smoothie is my go-to power, nutrient, vitamin and mineral packed punch for my kiddos!
I make this about 3 mornings per week and set a timer for 6 minutes.
My oldest son is my pickiest eater, but even he has learned to take this down no problem.